Cinema review roundup – Pirates and titans

After not managing to see anything last week I finally managed to see the Aardman Animations latest Pirates and the latest swords and sandals film Wrath of the Titans.


The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists!

Before going to see this I had heard reports of my friends falling asleep while watching it. This did not fill me with confidence. But this is Aardman so how bad could it really be?

The story is of a pirate captain (called Pirate Captain) who wants to win the pirate of the year awards but can’t get any booty. When he bumps into Charles Darwin though he is informed that the ship’s parrot is actually the last living dodo. This then forces the crew to London to win the scientist of the year award and use the prize money from that to win the pirate of the year award. Is it me or does that plot make the Pirates of the Caribbean plots sound like Shakespeare? It’s hardly enthralling is it?

So, the story was fairly dull and I can totally understand why people fell asleep. I felt disengaged throughout and didn’t really care about what was going on. However,  the Aardman charm was ever present and I spent more time looking at the gorgeous sets and all the tiny details in posters, scenery and background characters. The reason it takes them so long to make films is they spend far too much time on stuff no normal person will see!

Watch the film, give 10% of your attention to the plot and 90% to everything else.

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The Wrath of the Titans

Clash of the Titans was bad. Maybe not as bad as it had been made out to be but it definitely was no classic. How it warranted a sequel I don’t know but somehow they did it. The special effects are incredible but that is about it in this very bland film.

Sam Worthington plays the demigod Perseus who is running around Greece trying to find his way into Hades to save his father Zeus (Liam Neeson) before all of his godly powers are consumed by his father, the evil, entrapped, lava-beast, Cronos. Still with me?

Here is a quick recap of this film: Talk, fight big monster. Travel, talk, fight bigger monster. Travel, talk, fight even bigger monster. Repeat until 90 minutes are up.

The world has gained nothing for having this film in it.

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